In pursuit of feeling

  
At the end of the year I usually join hearts and thoughts with women all over the world in reflection of the year past and intention for the year to come. This ritual is part of a holiday council led by a dear friend, and wonderful life coach. 

But in 2015 I did not end the year with my tribe of  soul sisters. 

In business we are constantly creating new goals and “scoring” ourselves on how well we achieved the goals. Our scores are used in ranking us across the organization where there are clear winners and losers in the pursuit of recognition, promotion and pay.

I did end my 2015 with this.

Imbalance.

There was a definitive, dissatisfying, ickniness to this imbalance. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to join my sisters in the council, but more that I was looking for another expression of this process as a challenge to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone. But as with many things in life, without the formality, this goal was pushed in the back of my mind as day-to-day, “more pressing” matters arose. Matters like my 2015 annual review that was due the week before Christmas.

While logically I know such structures are important to the corporate world and the rules that govern it, I can’t help thinking that we’re doing it all wrong. It can’t be assumed that those making up our corporations are taking time to also assess how they feel. Taking time to see if their actions aligned with their core values and how to improve that alignment. Or even if they know what their core values are. 

All we can know is that we’re setting arbitrary goals used to then assign a precise value to ourselves. And while it’s not meant to be personal in business, it seems hard to believe that the constant scoring doesn’t impact us as humans. And that this constant feedback loop may be negative to our personal perceptions, and ultimately and actions in and interactions with the world. Maybe it’s all too Polly Anna to think there could be so much more success in business by regaining some of the humanity, insisting on it of our leaders. But it’s something I still feel compelled to chase.

Because I want to feel like I’m more than a number. I want to feel that my leaders see me for more than a cog. I want to feel valued. I want to feel good about the contributions and the time I spend away from my family to serve my company.

But in lieu of any mass corporate upheaval, I’ll continue to chase the balance even if it’s just a one person pursuit. In 2016 I’ve already decided this will need to start by exploring new philosphies and systems in introspection and intention setting. It will need to mean aiming to break out of the paralysis of fear – to instead celebrate it, and recognize good fear as an indication I’m on the right path. That I could be about to make a major breakthrough. That my ego may be scared out of its mind to be lost in evolution on the path to feel more. Feel better. Feel connected.

And the first step has been diving headfirst into The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. Headfirst into the pursuit of feeling more and judging less. Straight into the power of desire.

Wish me luck!

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#LifeExtraordinary

mermaid

Like most people I have been tirelessly chasing “my thing” since I was old enough to realize when my mom said I could be anything, she didn’t mean a mermaid…except THIS

And recently I had a revelation, which I shared over at Stratejoy. The thing I’ve realized as part of this magical year-long journey with Elevate is that maybe we’re not destined to do just one thing. Also I firmly believe we’re not meant to be just one “who”. Because that would be boring.

No. Life is not meant to be lived in a plotted line. You’re not meant to reach upward, upward, then hit this point of revelation of “Ah ha! This is it!” then just stay the course. Life is meant to be messy. Have ups and downs, moments of speeding light years ahead and sometimes looping back and rediscovering a forgotten joy. Life is meant to live in circles. It’s why I started this blog. A Circular Life has always been about discovering and journeying. It’s been about embracing my present state, while not being afraid to simultaneously explore in all directions. The heart of A Circular Life has always been to serve as a reminder for me to never lose contact with the little girl I used to be. The one who is still very much a part of me. She’s the one twirling. Singing. Staring in awe big sparkling eyes at each new wonder as she plots how to make magic happen. She’s the one I answer to, because she keeps it real. She keeps me honest with myself and what I need vs. what I feel I should be doing. She whispers to my soul the secrets that remind me to reach for who I want to become.

Throughout life I have tended to take the sensible route. In pursuit of the most practical decisions. Want to be a Mermaid? Too bad. Maybe a Marine Biologist? But how would I be successful? How would I provide for a family? Business. That is the way of viable success.

But now as I look at the sweet, sleeping face of my baby girl, I can’t help but admit I’ve been living fear and not toward fear. The difference is letting fear push me. It means choosing the safe path. Making decisions based on comfort and financial obligation. More obligation, less passion. Less joy. Living toward fear is to step up and claim my dreams. To not feel selfish for spending my energy to make life magical. To make life extraordinary.

That is what I want for my baby girl. A Life Extraordinary. I want her to dream big dreams. Chase sparkles. Live her life comfortable being with the fear. The kind of fear that comes from being connected to your soul and listening, really listening to its calling. The kind of fear that allows her to follow her heart even when she doesn’t see the end goal. Because I don’t want her to live life in a line. I want her to live it in circles, with the promise of adventure beyond the horizon. Just as Columbus knew the world wasn’t flat and paradise might just be found if he could sail “off the edge”. I want her to dive into the unknown.

To raise our little Shimpress with the confidence to live in circles, I have to step up to my own fears though. I have to make my own magic. So here it is. Out in the universe just as it’s been secretly inside me these last number of years. The fear I am following is acting.

My life extraordinary is as an actress.

As with the other circles of life, I’ll be sharing tidbits of the journey among the wedding, baby, fashion, soap box moments of this blog. I’ll be sharing my sparkles hoping that it might just encourage you to follow your fear too.

xo

Now I lay me down to sleep…

Before bedtime, one of my favorite things to do is scour the Internet Pinterest for new inspiration.

Beautiful.

Soulful.

Delicious.

Inspiring.

Images…

unimaginable

So tonight as you dream and tomorrow as you wake, I dare you to leave not only some, but a vast ocean of room for the…

UNIMAGINABLE

Night lovelies

xo

Words to Live By: Mollyism Edition

Hello Darlings.

Today is a very special day. It’s my gorgeous, light of the world, baby niece’s FIRST Birthday!

Happy Birthday sweet baby girl!

Smiley

And in honor of this little bundle of joy, what better way than to showcase Miss Molly Mahar’s latest edition of setting the world ablaze with Joy!?

If you aren’t already following Stratejoy, go ahead click >>> this <<< then sit back and enjoy your being one giant step closer to living your own authentic, fabulous life. In her latest installment she’s brought her tribe to Pinterest, thus introducing a new wave of #QOTD worthy imagspirations straight from Molly’s wise words.

Here are just a few of my favorites, but make sure to check them out yourself or better yet add to the fun! The contest closes tonight and winners are announced tomorrow. Which means you still HAVE TIME to get in your own Mollyism!

Pinterest: #stratejoyquotecontest

Acceptable

{Be UN-Acceptable}

fascinating you

{Be Fascinating}

Never Done

{Never Stop}

Play and Whimsey

{Being playful and whimsy}

Your Delight

{Or honoring your delight}

What are your favorite Mollyisms?

What are you favorite ways to celebrate joy?

“No consideration of failure…”

I have a confession.

I am a hard core nerd for everything Hollywood. The Actresses. The Actors. The Directors. The Stories. The Theater. The Fashion. The Popcorn. I kid you not, nerd on all fronts.

So when I found this little collection of gems (Also See: failing to focus on weekend work and getting distracted by the shiny things), let’s just say I lost spent an unhealthy amount of time nerding. all. out.

I just love the beauty in these unguarded moments (okay, I know they were interviews, so not totally unguarded but still…). What I didn’t expect was finding the real gems. The ironic and beautiful, almost embarrassed confessions of these – the brightest of stars – as they make their own confessions.

Confessions like this one from a young Jennifer Lawrence as she admits to a, “really gross, dangerous mentality of no consideration of failure. Just never even considering the thought of failure. If I want something I just go until I get it.”

 

And what comes from having that kind of mentality…

 

 

What could happen if  you had no consideration of failure?…

The mythology of equality

Recently I had a conversation with a good friend about dating and something he said struck a chord with me.

“…I’m looking for my equal.”

At face value, you might think, “Aww that’s sweet!”. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for at the end of the day? Someone to love who loves us? Someone to share every happiness with, to be supportive through every sadness?

Wrong.

With so many shouting equality these days, it begs the question of “why?’ Why are we so bent on being equal? Why do you want to be equal – the same – as anybody else, much less everybody else? Somewhere along the line, someone sold us a story about equality. And it sounded good.

But why?

It sounded good because it meant the end to feeling unrecognized, overlooked, underrepresented, underpaid…All the negative feelings we tie from (allow) exterior influences onto our own internal self-worth. While I don’t argue that there are cases where the fight may not be the same for one individual vs. another, I feel that the end goal is often the same. To be the best.

Who cares about being equal? Don’t we really want to be the best?

In career. In family. In friends. In life. Being the best is ingrained from an early age – some might say, an inherent need inherited from our ancestors, when being the best meant survival.

Now circle up. Back to the beginning, I proudly admit that I went after and married my best. Not my equal. Not my “good enough”. My Best.

The man who challenged me, pushed me (sometimes kicking and screaming) beyond my comfort zone to achieve things I only allowed my soul to whisper, barely audible, deep-deep-deep down in my heart. The one who made my stomach flutter. The one with whom I could barely contain a smile from the pride felt when he was by my side. The one who taught me I needn’t try to contain it.

When that man walked into my life, I didn’t think I’d found my equal. I knew I’d found my better half. And that’s what we should all strive for – our Better Half. That is what Mastermind Alliances are forged from, allowing each of us to achieve and continue to build then conquer or biggest dreams in pursuit of our best lives.

That, My Dear,  is worth looking for.

Nordstrom does it again

Nordstrom White Dress

{Nordstrom}

Nordstrom celebrates spring with The Little White Dress! Check out this lovely collection of white dresses for all your bridal events on the way to the chapel.

And in other news. My first official impulse Pinterest-to-purchase:

Millionaire Darling

{Darling}

When the hubby’s away, the wifey will play…But seriously, it’s obviously a sign, no? 😉